


Reminisce™

by dxndelixns



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Character Death, Gen, M/M, Memory Related, Sick Character, Slice of Life, Time Skips, look back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 23:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18883894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dxndelixns/pseuds/dxndelixns
Summary: Kyungsoo closes his eyes and gets lost.





	Reminisce™

Kyungsoo opened his eyes, and around him was chaos.

A usual day, to say the least.

"Where are my earphones?" He could hear Baekhyun scream from the other side of the hall. "Has any living soul in this place seen them?" There was a disjointed grunt of "no" from the people outside. The door opened, and Kyungsoo, sitting up half-awake with all the noise, locked eyes with Baekhyun.

"You up now?" Baekhyun asked, looking around the tidy room. Kyungsoo could only grunt in response which the other took as a yes.

"Have you seen my earphones?" Baekhyun asked again.

"Nope," Kyungsoo responded, his morning voice slightly raspy, "but you could try asking the people upstairs."

Baekhyun immediately got what he meant and, with a loud sigh, left. Kyungsoo patted around his nightstand for his glasses which he found and put on after a minute, with much relief. Stifling a yawn, he stretched his body, feeling his bones crack and muscles wake up with him.

It was really early in the morning which meant he could make— and actually eat— breakfast. That thought alone had the bespectacled guy standing up and walking to the kitchen rather lazily. He greeted the other people on the flat, Minseok and Jongdae, a good morning. Both were dazed still, and Minseok was looking blank as Kyungsoo passed by. He chanced a look at the clock, it was only just two in the morning, which meant that they had only around two to three hours of sleep— and Kyungsoo knew better than to sneak in some more shut-eye. Instead he focused on making some eggs to go with the kimchi fried rice that he had been preparing. After a few minutes, he called on his other group mates, as well as those from the upper floor, and beckoned them down with some food to jumpstart their day.

"Have some breakfast downstairs, alright?" Baekhyun called from the stairs, clutching his earphones tightly. Kyungsoo chuckled to himself as all of EXO's remaining members in Korea, one by one, entered the flat after Baekhyun: Chanyeol, with his hair disheveled and eyes slightly out of focus; Junmyeon, already halfway through getting ready for the day; Jongin, rubbing crusts off his eyes and sporting a childish pout; and Sehun, who looked like he literally just woke up in time for breakfast. Jongdae had set up the table and was sitting down by the kitchen table when everyone came in, and immediately the room became full of shuffling noises, grunts of affirmation and thanks for the food today, a rare occasion especially given that Kyungsoo had been busy lately, what with the shootings and all. Everyone ate in peace, side by side, with occasional questions of "What will you wear today?" or "Could I borrow your jacket later?" Kyungsoo looked around and for a moment, he swore that he felt right at home.

Everyone dispersed after having breakfast, their manager informing them that they had a busy day ahead of them and that they were to be picked up in a few hours so better get ready. Kyungsoo, for his part, had it easy: his morning routine was easy enough, and since they were visiting a salon before going to work, he could get away with simply combing his hair and sporting a hat. That simple, that quick. He filled up the time waiting for the other members by logging in to his private social media account and looking at the news and other events. Just then Minseok came to his side, all ready as well.

"Thanks for the breakfast, Kyung." Minseok nodded at him, smiling. He rested his head on the broad shoulders of Kyungsoo and closed his eyes, while the other guy sat with his legs crossed on the sofa, not minding the weight on his shoulder. Kyungsoo liked it this way, the peace and quiet before the storm that is their schedule. The moment he debuted with his fellow EXO members, he knew what it entailed: sleepless days, no proper rest, days droning on with photoshoots and recordings and shows left and right. He had made good his promise to keep to himself at all times, and it was only during these times that he can be himself. No pretensions.

"Hey." Jongdae said a little later, putting on his mask. "Junmyeon's waiting for Manager Cha at the lobby, we better accompany him."

"I'll wait for Baekhyun." Kyungsoo offered, making himself comfortable on the couch. Minseok went with Jongdae, reminding the younger to knock on Baekhyun's door if he doesn't come out within ten minutes.

Just after Jongdae and Minseok left, Chanyeol's head peeked through the door. Before he could even speak, however, Kyungsoo answered the question in his mind. "Ten minutes. That's all we could do."

"Thanks, Soo." Chanyeol said, who came in and promptly barged in Baekhyun's room without even a knock. Kyungsoo watched as Chanyeol closed the door with a "Hey, Baek, aren't you supposed to get ready?"

Kyungsoo doesn't know why every damn morning Chanyeol must annoy the heck out of Baekhyun, but it sure helps in making things quicker than it usually is. Five minutes later everyone is stumbling out of the building: Chanyeol with a playful Baekhyun teasing beside him; Jongin placing his hands on Kyungsoo's shoulders, the weight familiar on the smaller's body; and Sehun tailing the group with his earphones on, blocking the rest of the noise of the outside world.

They board their vehicles and create a convoy, first to the salons where they gain their energy by continuous teasing and, in the case of Kyungsoo and Minseok, laughing along with all the antics unfurling in front of them. Then it was time to get their suits, then off to the stadium where they had technical rehearsals because in just a few hours they would be embarking, yet again, on another world tour.

The few hours roll by fast, and Kyungsoo's anxiety over the show worsened. However, the sound of the crowd cheering for them as the video plays signaling the start of their show gave him the strength that he needs to overcome his initial stage fright and instead focus on what he does best. Kyungsoo never forgot that the reason why he's doing what he loves to do best was because of their support, and the only way that he can repay them is by mustering up the courage to perform for them as they wish. As they get ready to go on stage, he looked around at his friends, his co-members. His family. His home. Their leader looks around at them and caught Kyungsoo's eye, then gave him a small smile as if to appease him. Kyungsoo nodded back, giving a small smile of his to his leader.

Finally, everyone was called to take their final positions. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and fiddled with his microphone for a moment before assuming the first position in every concert, which is of crossed arms and bowed heads. With the command of the stage director, the stage lifts were turned on and the show began.

The noise of the crowd grows louder as Kyungsoo's lift slowly levels with that of their actual stage, until the first beat of the first song in their tour begins. Kyungsoo nods to himself. You can do this.

As he lifted his head in time to the beat and choreography, he saw a sea of white lights envelope them, much like stars in the sky on a clear night. Kyungsoo's lips betray him and he allows himself one smile, and, basking in the glory that is their success, closes his eyes.

=====

Kyungsoo opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is the white ceiling, with too-bright lights from the outside since the window is open and curtains drawn to the side. He squints slightly; his eyes, as always, give him a slight headache.

“Kyungsoo, hey.” The small guy hears from beside him. Tilting his head to the side, he could make out a figure with black hair and pale hands holding his. He squints, and the other laughs.

“Here, let me get your glasses.” There was a rustle on the bedside table, then someone putting something on his head. He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them once more—

“Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo could only say, his throat dry from all the sleeping that he’s done. “Pass me the water, please?” Baekhyun nods and takes the water from the bedside table, giving it to Kyungsoo with a straw.

“How are you feeling, Kyungsoo?” Kyungsoo could only look at Baekhyun’s worried eyes and smile, hoping that it could at least ease Baekhyun’s mind. He looks for Baekhyun’s pale hand with his long, delicate fingers and taps it gently with his small, stubby ones.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry too much about me.” Kyungsoo says as calmly as he can, with all the gentleness that he can muster. Out of all people, he hates making Baekhyun worry the most. The latter would unleash hell until Kingdom come if he knew just how Kyungsoo felt right now, and Kyungsoo didn’t need that. He didn’t want anyone to worry about anything that had to do with him. So he was fine, just as always and all days, because he had to be fine.

“I cannot not worry about you, you know that. You haven’t told me about your kimchi spaghetti recipe yet.” A stab at a light-hearted humor from Baekhyun had Kyungsoo smiling broadly, letting out a soft laugh. He taps again on the hand on top of his other hand, looking away from his friend.

Silence, and calm. A calmness washes over Kyungsoo, and he immediately becomes comfortable. Kyungsoo had come to associate Baekhyun with calmness, which had been quite an unnerving thought when he first started thinking about it. Baekhyun and calm? Like same sides of a magnet. After their tumultuous years, however, after all the songs and the dances that they've mastered and performed, Kyungsoo had come to realize that Baekhyun was actually calm— in his own way. When everything else had become too much, Baekhyun would drown that out with his funny antics and pouting face. Kyungsoo had become one with the idea that Baekhyun was just trying to diffuse tension. With that thought, Kyungsoo grew not to hit his _hyung_ every single time he would try to irritate Kyungsoo, or be loud for that manner. The younger of the two knew better.

“So.” Baekhyun tries for conversation again. “What did you choose? Hope they’re all about me.”

Kyungsoo gives out a small, tight smile back. “Of course there’s you in all of it, but not all about you.”

Baekhyun pouts. “Boo.”

“…you whore?” Kyungsoo tries to joke his way out of Baekhyun’s questions, and the other responds with a hearty laugh.

“You really did end up watching Mean Girls, huh? Didn’t you tell me that it was not your cup of tea?”

“Oh well, people change. Things change.”

“Never have words been truer than that.”

They both look out the window this time, looking at how the sun hits the leaves on the tree outside. A breeze slightly sways the branches, making the leaves dance. Kyungsoo could almost feel it. He could almost sway with the breeze. Both of them stay quiet for a long time after this, Baekhyun intermittently checking on what Kyungsoo needs and the latter trying to make Baekhyun sit down and calm himself, because the last thing that he wants is someone fussing over him.

Been there, done that. Never again.

People come and go inside that small room, but Baekhyun stays. They chat about the things that they missed, the people they cared about, their dogs, Baekhyun’s work. They catch up with each other and realize that there was absolutely nothing they could catch up on because they were well-informed and versed about each other’s lives.

It was dark when Kyungsoo decides to make Baekhyun leave.

“C’mon, go out now. I’m fine.” Kyungsoo tries to physically push away Baekhyun’s last attempt at staying for the night. “You have more important things to do, COO Byun.”

“Don’t you use that on me.” Baekhyun says light-heartedly. “You know the only thing that’s keeping me—”

“I know, Baek, I know. Now go and… work. Take some rest. Sleep. Have fun.” Kyungsoo wants to add, for me, but keeps it to himself.

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely.”

Baekhyun sighs and gathers his bag. “I’ll be going then. Promise to see me again soon?”

Kyungsoo lets out a sigh and nods. “Promise, but that soon better be real soon.”

Baekhyun smiles softly and lets himself out while Kyungsoo looks at the now dark outside, light scattered across the skyline of the metropolis. Like stars, he thought. Like stars here on Earth.

He smiles at the thought of Baekhyun on stage, shining. He closes his eyes once more.

====

Opening his eyes, he felt tired. No, not tired— exhausted. He looked around the unfamiliar place— a hotel room, most probably— and smiled as a person exited the shower, one towel draped on his waist, another on his head. Water was dripping from the still-wet hair, and the owner was intermittently ruffling at his head, oblivious that Kyungsoo was awake.

“Good shower, Yeol?” Kyungsoo brought himself to say, sitting up. The other person smiled, then looked at Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, good one. You should probably hop in and take a quick one; Sehun just asked if we could go to dinner with him. You know he’ll only really go if you go.” Chanyeol said, looking at the mirror and checking his hair. Kyungsoo stood up and opened his suitcase, grabbed a handful of stuff, and moved to take a quick shower. He’s not one to take his time in it, not like how Chanyeol does his showers.

In thirty minutes they’re ready, Chanyeol clad in his blue sweater and black pants, and Kyungsoo in all black— as per the usual. They went and met Sehun at the lobby, who was accompanied by Jongin.

“Suho and the other _hyung_ s will just meet us there. Let’s go?” Sehun asked without looking away from his phone, looking up a good restaurant for their dinner in an unfamiliar city that they’re in for some two nights before they go to another city for another leg of the tour. He’s the only one who can make the executive decision on where to eat because he’s the only picky one— Kyungsoo gives suggestions, Chanyeol and Jongin just there for the food. After a few minutes Sehun showed something to Kyungsoo, who nodded.

“I’ll call a cab.” Chanyeol offered, and within minutes they were on their way to the restaurant that Sehun picked, him and Kyungsoo and Jongin on the backseat and Chanyeol in front. In front of the camera, they’re all loud and wild and competitive, but behind everything, they, like everybody else, are just a bunch of boys working, quiet and serene at times, when needed. Kyungsoo has learned to live with that duality and accept that some people might think that they’re one but not the other.

They boarded and disembarked from the vehicle in relative silence, punctuated only by occasional comments which came from Chanyeol about what he saw on Instagram. They entered the restaurant and immediately Sehun ordered an initial round for them, like how he always does.

“You never seem to ask us what we want, huh.” Chanyeol said after the waiter goes. Sehun shrugs and takes a sip of his water.

“I know what you want, _hyung_.” Sehun countered nonchalantly. “I know what you all want, and that’s so we could have an initial round going. You pick the next ones, yes?”

Chanyeol did not respond, instead looked at Kyungsoo. “So, Japan? This spring?”

“Sure.” Kyungsoo said curtly.

“Hey— I wanna go!” Sehun says, putting his water down. “Can I come?”

“No.” It was Jongin who replied. “Their Japan trips are theirs, remember? Besides, we have to practice our solos for the concert. We’re not even halfway done.”

“Thanks, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said, looking at the younger. He then looked at Chanyeol who had a smug face, staring at a pouty Sehun.

“I just wanna be with a trip with Kyungsoo _hyung_ again. The last we had was in Jeju and that was years ago.” Sehun said, still pouting. Luckily their beer and soju were served just as the other members came, so Kyungsoo ended up not consoling Sehun the way that he wanted to.

They talked and had fun. Kyungsoo could barely remember what they talked about that night: he could just remember them teasing Jongdae into buying new sweaters since he likes his two sweaters too much, and Kyungsoo being teased because he accidentally spilled some beer on his own hoodie and spent too much time fussing about it.

While everyone was talking about how they were going to spend their holidays, Kyungsoo looked at them with a smile on his face. They were his family now; the people he spends most of his days with. He did think of leaving after the major success that was his acting career because he thought that it was in his calling, and was talking to several people not connected to any of the people in SM Entertainment, but Sehun of all people confronted him about it.

"Is this true, _hyung_?" He asked one evening, storming in the older's room while he was watching a movie. On the taller's phone was an article: "Do Kyungsoo reportedly leaving SM Entertainment after contract expires"

Kyungsoo felt chills run through his whole body.

"I— I did think about it." Kyungsoo conceded. He cannot lie to Sehun; he's one of the people he's really comfortable with and he knows that sooner or later he would have to tell it to them. He just thought that it would not be today.

"Do you really want to?" Sehun suddenly asked, sitting at the edge of his bed. Kyungsoo was confused— was this not going to be Sehun asking him to stay?

"I don't know...I'm still thinking about it."

Sehun remained silent for a moment.

"I know that you're a great artist, _hyung_ , and that's why you're successful in everything that you do." Sehun started. "I'm not going to ask you to stay. We both know that. But what I'm going to ask from you is that you tell the others. I just want them to know too."

Kyungsoo nodded and asked Sehun to call everyone to the living room. He had an announcement to make.

That night as he spoke to them, they all never told him to stay, or rethink— they just said "Whatever you want, we will support you all the way" and "Don't worry about us, we'll be fine" and the outpouring of this support from them made him question his initial decision— to really leave.

"Are you serious?" He suddenly asked, really confused.

"What do you mean 'are you serious'?" Baekhyun said as he yawned.

"Y-you really would let me go?"

"Frankly, Kyungsoo, no," Jongdae interjected, "but we would rather that you do what you want and stick with it so that you have no regrets, rather than staying with us even if you don't want to. Again, we're here supporting you. It's your choice at the end of the road."

That's when it hit him. This was what families do. They support people, push them to what they can do best, and give their love all the way. Does he want to leave this family?

He smiled.

"I'm really sorry for this mess." He said, wiping a tear that had escaped his eye. "I've decided."

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and exhaled, relieved.

=====

Kyungsoo opens his eyes and finds no one in the room. No visitor for today, he muses, and tries to sit up. He huffs and grunts until he gets into the position, then looks outside again. He doesn't even try to stand up; he'd rather take up and soak in as much rest as he possibly could. He missed it.

A nurse comes, looking at him quite sadly. He smiles back and ignores the stare.

"I'm sorry; no visitors for today." She says.

"I can see that." He answers, smiling. "It's fine. They don't really need to be here all the time anyway."

"No— that's not the reason no one's here." The nurse looks at the chart at the foot of his bed, then at him. There is quiet for a moment while she checks up on him, then:

"Your visitor was supposed to be someone named Oh Sehun."

Kyungsoo feels chills, again. This time, from hearing the name of their maknae.

"He died, didn't he?" The nurse continues but this time, very gently.

"He did." Kyungsoo says. Death isn't a subject that he's particularly wanting to talk about, but it's inevitable and he rather address it head on than not address it at all. "About a year ago. Before...this." He gestures.

The nurse sighs, then goes back to the chart at the foot of his bed and jots in numbers, numbers that keep him alive. "I'm really sorry for your loss."

Kyungsoo merely smiles and looks outside again, now thinking of Sehun. He barely hears the door closing when he feels a warm liquid stream from his eyes, then another, then another. He gives in and cries quietly, thinking about the day that Sehun died, when Kyungsoo was supposed to be with him because the younger requested for him but he had a prior schedule and was late. Sehun was caught in a car crash, not of his doing but the car behind him. The light was red, Sehun braked, but the car behind him barely did, slamming into Sehun full force and sending him reeling until a tree broke the momentum, destroying the car and killing Sehun instantly.

For months, he blamed himself for what happened— sleepless nights, feelings of whether he should follow Sehun because he failed as a _hyung_. His members were there with him, sharing the pain, but never once did they approach Kyungsoo with reproach even if they can and have the power to.

He cried for all the years that Sehun had lost following the crash and how much of his life should have been Sehun's. In the midst of all these, he closes his eyes once more.

=====

Owl eyes opened, and again he was thrust in a world where Sehun was still around, pestering them about random stuff. He heard the youngest shuffling through the relatively well-stocked pantry that they had as opposed to the almost non-existent one they had at the pad above. The only difference was that now, Minseok has gone for military service and they are now gearing up for their turns.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongdae tentatively called. He opened the door to see Kyungsoo reaching to open it himself, and with a small smile greeted his teammate.

“Hey, Jongdae— anything wrong?” He asked, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it anyway?”

“Uh… three in the afternoon.” Jongdae chuckled and placed his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, stroking it as if a massage. “You okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” Kyungsoo reveled at the sensation and was about to seriously ask Jongdae to massage him when Sehun emerged from the kitchen, munching on some fruit he found.

“Oh, Soo _hyung_ , Jongin asks if you two could go somewhere.”

Kyungsoo’s demeanor changed from sleepy to alert. Since they debuted, both of them made it a point to not be seen together so often because it causes stories to be spun around the two of them. He saw them and would rather they stay as fictional stories rather than actual scandals the company has to take care of. Pre-debut Jongin and Kyungsoo would sneak out at night together, grab a bite or two, play some games, walk in the park: the kind of thing that would make people suspicious if they were truly only friends or something more. Kyungsoo missed that but what can they do? It’s the price of fame.

That’s the thing: before everything, before all the lights thrusted their spotlight on them, before all their songs and dances and the fans screaming for their name, they were together. Kyungsoo loved Jongin and Jongin loved Kyungsoo, and before everyone and everything else, they were together. Nobody ever asked about this because nobody basically knew— everyone thought that they were just good friends, which is part of the truth, and nobody cared about that for the most part so they had their own little world.

Everyone knows the story of how they met: Chanyeol introducing Kyungsoo, the glare, Jongin being scared and realizing that this _hyung_ is actually nice, them being the best of friends. For the most part, Kyungsoo became a staple in Jongin’s life and him in Kyungsoo’s: after some time, Jongin came to realize that he liked Kyungsoo more than a friend. Kyungsoo realized it too, soon enough that when Jongin asked Kyungsoo if he could court him, the latter said fuck it and decided to tell Jongin that he liked the younger too. They became a couple not too long after but kept it a secret from everyone. They both knew the consequences: either they do not belong in the same team, or keep everything secret long enough that they can pass it off as being great, great friends.

Kyungsoo chose neither, when the time came.

Neither meant breaking up with Jongin and that was the one thing Kyungsoo swore he didn’t want to do. Nobody was asking and nobody had to because they weren’t that noticeable. When Jongin told Kyungsoo, however, that they could pass off as great friends and that they could still make the relationship work while in their team, Kyungsoo said no.

He didn’t want to pretend to their fans and the truth is that he feels that this might prejudice their future. He didn’t want that to happen, especially to Jongin. Kyungsoo reasoned out that they weren’t going to work in the long run and that might cause problems. Besides, being friends was just like a step down from what they had and they could always step back up in the relationship realm again when they had the chance. Jongin was strongly opposed to the idea of them breaking up until Kyungsoo said:

“I’ve decided. I’m sorry, Jongin.”

Now, they can’t even be in one place just by themselves because after everything, Jongin still loves Kyungsoo and as much as he would try to deny it, he is still in love with Jongin. That’s why they often go out as a group, together with Chanyeol or Sehun or both— Jongin would just want closure or that they would want to get back together and Kyungsoo would vehemently disagree. Today, though, is different. Kyungsoo’s resolve is set— they have to stop with this charade.

“Tell him I’ll be down in thirty.” Kyungsoo said, patting Jongdae’s hand on his shoulders and going back to his room to shower.

He waited downstairs five minutes earlier, looking through his phone to hide his anxiousness. After a few minutes, Jongin opened the door and greeted Kyungsoo jovially.

“Hey, _hyung_.” Jongin mused, putting his hand on the pockets of his jacket. Kyungsoo looked up and smiled gently.

“Hey. Where are we going?” He asked, putting his phone away. Jongin shrugged.

“Just a stroll to the park, I just wanted to talk to you.” The younger said. Kyungsoo looked down again, dreading this. But at the same time, he owed it to Jongin to at least talk to him without anyone in tow.

They walked quietly, letting the breeze gently blow and the sunlight playing with the leaves from the trees, creating beautiful shadows. Jongin stopped and took a picture and Kyungsoo immediately stepped back, not wanting to be in the frame.

“ _Hyung_ …” Jongin started. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin and stopped walking.

“What? Of course we’re friends.” Kyungsoo immediately answered. “Why are you even asking that?”

“Nothing—”

“Don’t ‘nothing’ me, Jongin.”

“Really, _hyung_ , nothing. I just wanted to make that clear for myself.” Jongin answered as they reached the park. He sat on a bench that was secluded; there weren’t a lot of people going through this path so they could talk properly. Kyungsoo sat comfortably on the other side of the bench, his hands tapping lightly on his thighs.

“Is there anything you want us to talk about, Jongin?” Kyungsoo said.

“Remember when we drank coffee back when we were trainees?” Jongin asked. “That was the only time I tasted coffee and liked it.”

Kyungsoo merely nodded.

“I miss those times.” Jongin confided, and Kyungsoo held his tongue from talking, letting Jongin finish. He knew that this was where the conversation was going but he needed to hear what the younger had to say.

Jongin probably sensed Kyungsoo being uncomfortable and immediately spoke. “I mean, I do miss you and everything, but I know now why you decided that way.” Jongin tapped his foot. “I just miss you is all. I only ever get to talk to you without other people when we’re on stage, and even then we can’t talk properly because we need to put up appearances. I’m just saying that I want to get back to… what we were before. Not together, because I know that we can’t be together now, but just as good friends. Best friends.”

“Jongin…” Kyungsoo sighed and closed his eyes. “I want to take a nap.”

Pre-debut Kyungsoo always said this when he wanted to rest his head on Jongin’s lap, because he loved the image of them two just together like any couple would and because his hair would always be stroked by Jongin until he fell asleep.

He felt Jongin tense up, and then:

“Sure, _hyung_.”

So Kyungsoo laid down, his head resting on Jongin’s lap and his body resting upon the bench. He sighed and closed his eyes, knowing that Jongin would not—

He just felt Jongin’s hand tentatively stroke his hair, just like before, and Kyungsoo did nothing to stop this. Then it continued; Jongin’s hand became comfortable with the motion and Kyungsoo became peaceful and calm. He could not tell Jongin to stop because he did not want Jongin to; and because after all this time, after all the self-denial and the running away, Kyungsoo knew deep in his heart that he still loved Jongin.

“Can I ask you a question?” Jongin asked after a few quiet minutes of them just staying in that position.

“What is it?” Kyungsoo asked back.

“Do you think…” Jongin started, then paused to take a breath. “Do you think that after everything, after… this, we could still be together? That we could live quietly in a farm that we own?” Jongin said, chuckling as he remembered that they both wanted to live a quiet life after all the fame that they experienced.

Kyungsoo could not bring himself to lie, so as he closed his eyes, he answered.

“Yes. Yes, I think that we can.”

=====

“’Sup, Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo hears, and his lips immediately curl into a smile as he recognizes who is beside him.

“Hi, Jongin.” Kyungsoo says, his eyes opening and confirming who his visitor was.

“Have you been fine?” Jongin asks. “I heard that Baekhyun visited you. I should have been here that time, too. I miss that _hyung_.”

Kyungsoo merely nods. “Yeah, I did miss him too.” He smiles, looking at the man in front of him, the man that he had become. EXO never ceased their promotions even after Sehun died but they did start up their new company and cut their ties with SM Entertainment shortly after. Jongin became one of the shareholders of the group, together with Kyungsoo, and while the latter hugely helped in the transitional phase and the first vocal coach of their company, Jongin stayed back and let his _hyung_ s run it, instead making true with his promise to live somewhere quiet and peaceful just like what he told Kyungsoo. Together, with Kyungsoo.

They told everyone else that they were roommates, but everyone around them now knows the truth and they respected that decision. Jongin and Kyungsoo both bought a relatively large piece of land and made it their own personal farm, complete with fruit-bearing trees and, for quite some times, some goats that they managed to get from a farmer just down the street.

Jongin smiles and lets his hands rest on Kyungsoo’s open ones. His were tanned from all the times that he worked under the scorching heat of the sun, while Kyungsoo’s were white and pale, just like how it was before. ”Do you want anything?”

“Yes, for you not to fuss over me. You should know that by now, Nini.” Kyungsoo says, holding Jongin’s hands tightly.

“I can’t help it when—” Jongin’s sentence was cut when a doctor comes in, smiling at the both of them.

“Mr. Kim.” The doctor regards Jongin, then nods at Kyungsoo who merely smiles back. “How are you feeling today?”

“Today has been good so far.” Kyungsoo says. “At least, from what I can feel.”

The doctor checks the chart and then his vitals. “That’s good to hear, Kyungsoo. Heard you regularly get visitors nowadays.”

“That was the planned visit.” Kyungsoo responds. “I guess I timed it correctly, haven’t I? Except for one.”

“Well, you’re looking good and your vitals tell the same story, so I guess I better leave you two.” Before the doctor could go, however, Jongin stops him to ask a question.

“Doctor Lee!” He calls out. “Are we near?”

The doctor looks at him, his eyes full of sorrow. “We’re getting closer and closer everyday, Mr. Kim. I already talked to Kyungsoo and he... he’s ready, as well.”

Jongin does not respond, instead looking at Kyungsoo who looks back at him with eyes that beg of understanding. The doctor leaves and they stay in silence, occasionally talking about the farm and how Doctor Lee was kind enough to take Kyungsoo under his care and let him beta test what the doctor had been researching on.

After a while, they hear a booming voice on the corridor and laugh. Chanyeol’s here and he sure does make his presence known.

“Hi you two.” He says, plopping down the sofa and staring at the both of them for a moment. “What’s new?”

“This. This is what’s new.” Kyungsoo gestures to himself on the bed, smiling tightly while Chanyeol and Jongin shake their heads at the smaller’s attempt at humor.

“When’ll Junmyeon _hyung_ —” Chanyeol starts, but Jongin responds for Kyungsoo.

“The week after next.” Jongin says. “I expect to see you all there, or else.”

“Oh, shut up Jongin, I expected you to be in our building a few days ago but you didn’t come.” Chanyeol counters. Kyungsoo looks at both of them then trains his eyes at Jongin.

“Why didn’t you go?” He asks. Jongin shrugs and looks back at him.

“I didn’t feel like it. Anyway, Junmyeon _hyung_ sent me the minutes; I’ll look over it later.”

“You should’ve gone, Jongin.” Kyungsoo says in his gentlest voice.

“It’s fine.” Chanyeol says, sitting up. “You didn’t miss anything earth-shattering, so really, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“So how’s the company, Mr. COO Park?” Kyungsoo asks to divert the topic.

Chanyeol launches into a speech of how a company could really benefit from having Jongin there to guide especially the new ones (at this Kyungsoo glared at Jongin, who then glared at Chanyeol), and how the company has been growing and expanding thanks to Junmyeon’s guidance, and how they all terribly miss Kyungsoo.

“Oh you sap.” Kyungsoo says, smiling, but Chanyeol’s voice becomes choked.

“I just didn’t imagine that you would leave us this soon.”

“Don’t we all? Sehun got ahead of us though, that jerk. Even in death he wanted to be first.” Kyungsoo tries, but the joke just makes the two other men sigh.

“Lighten up, will you?” Kyungsoo says, shaking his head. “We all knew that this was where everything would lead up. We never had the luxury of time, so can we all just smile and make our time worthwhile?”

“You’re dying, Kyungsoo. How can we let that pass?” Chanyeol says, his hand balling into fists. “You’re literally about to die and you tell us to just smile?”

“Then what are you going to do about it?” Kyungsoo challenges. “Do you want me to still deny? Do you want me to grieve for myself?”

“Then just let us fuss over you, then!” Chanyeol explodes. “Let us cherish this in our own way. If that means fussing over you, if that means not laughing at your jokes, then let us be. Because we will always hurt knowing that you’ve left us and it will hurt more when we feel like we’ve never done enough for you. So please, let us be here for you.”

Kyungsoo smiles and nods. “I’m sorry, Chanyeol.”

Jongin looks at the both of them, sighing. “Oh you two, will you ever learn?”

All three of them laugh. Chanyeol offers to have food from Kyungsoo’s restaurant delivered to their room, and they all shared stories over food, reminiscing over what had happened.

“Kyungsoo... was it worth it? To use Reminisce?” Chanyeol asks, curious.

“It was, for the most part.” Kyungsoo confides. “Of course it isn’t all happy; I always wake up and look back and envy myself back then, how agile and flexible I was. But we can’t have everything, right? I’m glad I get to revisit those memories and live in it, even for once.”

Jongin looks concerned as he asks, “So can you share with us the memories you picked?”

“No, sorry. That’s confidential.” He smiles, then takes a bite of his food.

Reminisce was the whole reason he stays here in the hospital even though he was cleared to go out. Ever since the day that he knew that his days were numbered, he also knew that he had to try this piece of technology; help older people remember who they were and reminisce on their golden days. He was fifty-three and a few odd months, after all, and leukemia had struck him. He opted not to have treatment and live the rest of his life, until the team of Reminisce reached out to him, asking him to beta-test their new piece of technology. He gladly said yes, pleased to help someone until his death.

Kyungsoo makes Jongin clean up once they were done because he wants to talk privately to Chanyeol.

“Hey, Yeol?” He whispers as Jongin is out of earshot, throwing away their trash. “Make sure that Jongin eats properly, please? That he goes out sometimes. Make sure that he always takes care of himself. Make sure that he works even after I’m gone. Take care of him, will you?”

“Kyungsoo...”

“Promise me.”

“Don’t make m—”

“Promise me, Chanyeol.”

Jongin comes in just as Chanyeol nods his assent.

“I- I better get going now.” Chanyeol says, patting Kyungsoo’s head and smiling at Jongin. He waves goodbye to the two now left alone in the room.

“You should sleep, now.” Jongin says as he strokes Kyungsoo’s hair, his other hand holding his partner’s.

“Promise you’ll leave when you see me deep asleep?” Kyungsoo asks, because the truth is that he’s afraid of dying in his sleep, not while someone’s watching. Not in his watch.

“I promise.” Jongin says, but will stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching Kyungsoo sleep and use Reminisce, and silently weep for the man that he loved. And still, loves.

For the moment, however, while Jongin brushes and strokes his hair, Kyungsoo closes his eyes.

=====

“Kyungsoo! Today’s the day!”

 Kyungsoo opened his eyes as he heard this being whispered urgently by someone on his side. He looked and saw Junmyeon crouched beside his bed, eyes wide with excitement, wonder, and fear. He rubbed his bleary eyes and sits up, then remembered:

“Oh, shoot. Today’s the day.”

He wondered how he even slept so deeply, knowing that today was their debut day. Make or break, no excuses if they do something out of their nervousness. If his voice cracks, that’s all on him. If his stage fear reappears, he is done. Suddenly Kyungsoo felt his stomach rumble with the nervousness. All thoughts of breakfast flew out the window. He and Junmyeon locked eyes, then nodded.

“Good luck today, Suho _hyung._ Guard us, won’t you?”

The day was full of last-minute rehearsals and anxious lip bites, Kyungsoo almost not wanting to perform because he felt that he wasn’t ready. That he didn’t have enough muster to perform. Everyone felt that way and everyone cheered one another for a successful debut showcase. Suho had enlisted the help of Kyungsoo in making sure that everyone is fine, including and especially the then-sickly Jongin, so he felt fear run through his veins when Jongin whispered, “ _Hyung_ , I feel like I’m having a fever today”.

“Oh god, Jongin not now.” Kyungsoo said, sitting on the salon chairs. The make-up stylist continued with her work, though.

“I’m so nervous, _hyung_. I can’t even remember the moves now.” Jongin continued with his worries. Just then, Junmyeon comes in with a reassuring smile on his face.

“Are we ready?” He asked to the two of them, and both reluctantly said yes. Kyungsoo looked at Suho and smiled. This was the guy that helped them when they had problems, the one that always took a step back to let them shine when there were performance tests. That’s why when they were told that Junmyeon’s screen name was ‘Suho’, Kyungsoo personally was happy because he knew that Junmyeon was going to guard their group with all his life.

One hour before the showcase, twelve boys in one dressing room were trying to process that in a few minutes they were going to be performing for so many people as one group. As this boy group, EXO. Everyone was, in their own way, trying to calm their wildly beating hearts from overshadowing what they had to do, what they had to say in front of their audience: Baekhyun and Chanyeol were noisy as heck, teasing each other; Kris and Suho were busy discussing what they had to say and do on stage as leaders, Kyungsoo was warming his voice up alone, and beside him was Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan quietly watching everything unfold. Yixing and Jongin were polishing their moves at the side while their _maknaes_ munched on some snacks, offering everyone they see with it.

Thirty minutes before the showcase, Junmyeon and Kris got out of the dressing room and took a peek at the crowds, then promptly came back.

“Oh wow, there’s so many people.” Junmyeon said as he enters the room. “I’m scared.”

“Don’t worry. We are here now and we can do this. Let’s just do our best, okay?” Kris said, patting Junmyeon’s back. Everyone heard this and now they’re really curious, but then the staff asked them to get ready. They were going to perform in thirty, and they needed to get ready and feel the energy of the people before then.

Junmyeon got near to Kyungsoo and puts his hands on the smaller’s shoulders.

“Are we good?” He asked, smiling slightly as Kyungsoo stands up.

“Of course.” Kyungsoo said and nodded. “We are EXO, aren’t we? We are one.”

Suho laughed. “And you say I’m not funny.”

“You aren’t, and someday I will tell you that in English.” Kyungsoo joked as they walked behind the curtains.

“I’m kind of scared, Kyungsoo.” Junmyeon confided, and Kyungsoo stopped in his tracks, facing his leader.

“You have been doing well all this time, _hyung._ You will do well. We are going to kill this. We are going to be successful and everything will be fine. We love you, so let’s go and show everyone who we are.”

Junmyeon hugged him, and they stayed like that for a moment while Junmyeon whispered a ‘thank you’ to Kyungsoo’s ear.

Fifteen seconds into showtime, Kyungsoo took a breath and steeled his heart. This is it. Whatever happens, he was, is and will always be happy and proud that he is part of EXO. His new friends, his family, his life.

One second, then Kyungsoo’s clear voice could be heard in the speakers, and the crowd cheered.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and cherished the moment.

=====

“Kyungsoo.” He hears beside him and he smiles. Just like their debut day, he is woken up by Junmyeon.

“CEO Junmyeon.” Kyungsoo jokes then chuckles as his _hyung_ laughs along with his joke. “How are you?”

“Please, I’m fine. How are _you_ is the most important question.” Junmyeon smiles, then tries to hold Kyungsoo’s hand. The latter smiled and squeezed it, nodding as if to say, I’m fine.

“Are you really feeling fine?” Junmyeon asks worriedly. Kyungsoo smiles and nods, not once talking.

The truth is that the past few days have been hard on Kyungsoo, and he feels that his time is nearer so Junmyeon, the last of his visitors, being here, makes Kyungsoo’s heart happy. Today is also the last day of his scheduled visits; afterwards, they were under strict orders from Kyungsoo himself not to visit him as much, so looking around and seeing nobody made his stomach drop. Chanyeol did say that he was being missed; why is nobody with Junmyeon?

The older, seeing the worry and probably sensing the disappointment from Kyungsoo, pats his hand. “Don’t worry, they’re just outside. Everyone’s here. They thought you wanted a bit of an alone time with me.”

“That I did.” Kyungsoo smiles, beckoning Junmyeon to come closer since he cannot speak too loud now. “I want to ask you something.”

“Kyungsoo…” Junmyeon says, moving closer.

“No— I won’t ask of you to take care of them because you’ve always been doing that ever since you assumed being leader. I just want you to be happy. Take care of yourself. Have some fun, and let the others be. They’ll be fine. EXO will be fine just as long as you are. So please, take care of yourself, okay? For me?”

“I will, Kyungsoo. Of course I will.” Junmyeon reassures the younger. “You won’t really let us see you after?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. He suddenly feels tired, as if talking sapped out all the energy from him. Instead he smiles and tells Junmyeon that he’s ready to face the others.

Everyone enters, somewhat boisterous, and Kyungsoo feels like it was any other day, except he’s in bed, lying, because he’s too tired to do pretty much anything else. He smiles at each of them lovingly, memorizing their faces and remembering their good times. He silently mourns for Sehun, and prays that Minseok make it alive from his surgery, soon enough so that he could try and go visit, sometime. Kyungsoo feels his eyes well with pride for the men that they have all become from the boys that they were, and thanks the Heavens that he was given the chance to be with each and every one of them. He revels at the stories shared, at the laughter and the tears shed.

He has no more memories to go back to; it was also the last day of using Reminisce. The memories will always remain in him, he thinks. Maybe he’ll even dream about them.

With that in mind, Kyungsoo once again closes his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope that you like my fic! I tried to pattern it as much as I can to what has/is happening with the boys but don't be super strict, it's still a fic after all. We all have been, one way or another, travelling with EXO through their journey and I just want to send out all the love and support to those who keep supporting them in every step of the way. 
> 
> We are one, we are /with/ EXO!


End file.
